From Oh F$%^ to OK. 5 Steps to Survive Bad Mistakes

Hey 👋 - Ilya here.

What's up and welcome to the Weekly One on One!

Here's one short tip on how to Level Up as a developer.

Today's issue takes about 2 minutes to read.

Enjoy.

In today's issue, I'm going to share with you the process of dealing with big mistakes and critical situations. I originally learned this framework from Mark Goulston.

Mistakes are inevitable. Big or small, it's just a matter of time till I'll do another one. The key to handling them and growing from mistakes is understanding the process we're going through and the emotions we're feeling when something bad happens.

Unfortunately, so many developers fail to properly handle such situations because they never get passed the Oh f$%^. phase. They simply live with the fact that this is what happened, let the mistakes define them, and stop learning and taking risks.

"When bad things happen, if you resist the temptation to do anything that will make matters worse, you will discover valuable things about [..] yourself that you would never have learned had you not taken the hit."  Jim Mazzo, CEO of Advanced Medical Optics

Start by putting words to your emotions

Research suggests that naming our emotions helps the brain to cool down almost immediately and start thinking calmly about what's happening.

When you feel scared at first, the affirmations of "I'm calm, everything is good" are of no use.

Get yourself through the 5 Rs quickly

Think about the last crisis situation you experienced. Chances are that you've actually gone through 5 different stages without knowing it. Each stage has its own thinking pattern and it is important to go through all of them to completion.

According to Mark Goulston, these stages can be summed up in the 5 Rs:

1. React
2. Release
3. Recenter
4. Refocus
5. Reengage

1. React

"This is bad. I am done. It's all over."

Give yourself permission to acknowledge and experience what you're feeling. If you have a chance, get outside just for a couple of minutes. If you can't get away, just think about it even for a few seconds, and don't skip to the next step.

2. Release

"This is a mess. I'll be stuck dealing with it for a long time"

Nice, you're coming back to reality slowly. Continue.

3. Recenter

"Ok, I can fix it"

Your heart rate is slowing down. Breathe. Now breathe again. Emotions are now cooling down and you're almost ready to address the issues at hand.

4. Refocus

"Well, it's not going to ruin my life. Here's what I need to do..."

Now you can see the situation for what it is. You can now clearly think of what needs to be done to control the damage and make the best out of the situation.

5. Reengage

"I'm ready to fix it. Let's get to work"

Enough thinking. It's Doing time.

Thanks for reading. See you next Wednesday.

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Cheers,

Ilya